Added Extras – the Issue of Plus-ones and Kids!

When it comes to planning your wedding, one of the most challenging aspects is creating the guest list. Traditionally, the parents of the bride and groom had a say in who would be invited, and wedding etiquette dictated that if you weren't familiar to the bride's family, you wouldn't receive an invitation. However, this idea is outdated and with couples often financing their own weddings, the guest list takes on a new significance.

Your wedding should be a celebration with the people you care about and feel close to. This means that distant relatives and long-lost friends might not make the cut if space is limited. Every additional guest means extra costs, and this can quickly escalate. Most couples are conscious of their budget and understand the financial implications of inviting too many plus ones. It's not feasible to allow every guest to bring a plus one, especially if you have a limited budget and your venue has a maximum capacity.

So, what exactly is a 'plus one'? It refers to the additional guest someone brings to a formal celebration, usually a wedding. Allowing plus ones means allowing your chosen guest to bring a partner of their choice.

How do you navigate through this tricky subject? Here are a few suggestions to help you decide which guests should be offered a plus one and which ones shouldn't:

One approach is to establish clear rules about who will and won't receive a plus one before sending out your invitations. This way, you'll have an answer ready if you receive any awkward questions.

Many couples choose not to invite any plus ones at all, but there are some guests who may be deserving of one.

The ideal scenario is that you already know the partner personally and have spent social time with them. If you're happy to have this person at your wedding, then you should find out their name before sending the invitations. This allows you to address the envelope with both names, indicating the expected attendees.

Allowing your guests to bring a partner of their choosing is a kind gesture, usually resulting in them inviting their spouse or partner. However, it's important to consider if you want a total stranger at your wedding.

Married or engaged couples should be considered as a 'package', and it's courteous to acknowledge their commitment to each other. It's a good idea to give them a call to inquire about their partner's name so that you can include it on the invitation.

Similarly, any invitees in a serious or long-term relationship should be allowed to bring their partner. If they've been together for over 2 years or are living together, it's likely they're in a committed relationship.

Your wedding party members should be recognized as VIP guests and should each be allowed to bring a guest, even if they're single. If the bride's or groom's parents are separated and on good terms, an invite could be extended for a plus one as well.

It's important to remember that you aren't obligated to offer plus ones to any of your guests, even if they fit into the above categories. Single guests generally don't need plus ones, especially if they'll know lots of other people at the wedding.

As for children, whether to invite them depends on your relationship with the guests' families. If you're having a child-free wedding, you don't need to invite your guests' children. It's your decision whether you want young children in attendance. If you prefer the affair to be adult-only, simply address the invitation to your guests directly. For example, write the parents' names only on the invitation.

Just a friendly reminder about the following points: It's okay to make exceptions for immediate family or members of the bridal party who have children, even if you prefer not to have many children at your wedding. Ultimately, the decision about inviting plus-ones and children is yours. Some couples choose to include everyone, but this can significantly increase the guest list and costs. Consider your budget and venue size before making your final decision. 

Good luck!